Joke Tooth Fairy Letter

Dear Young Sir or Madam,

Kindest regards for leaving one (1) tooth under your pillow. I attempted to retrieve it last night but am unable to remit payment for its full value due to the situation(s) outlined below:

___Tooth was not present at the time of the Tooth Fairy's visit. Tooth Fairy will attempt re-delivery.

___Tooth contained excessive decay or damage.

___Tooth has not yet fully emerged from the mouth. Preemptive Tooth Fairy submissions are not accepted at this time.

___Extensive owner-inflicted extraction damage was found on the tooth, including but not limited to: plier marks, string residue, glue, magnetic devices, explosives.

___Tooth found was not human. Tooth Fairy, LLC, and its derivative companies do not accept teeth of dogs, cats, squirrels, rabbits, small rodents or any other non-biped species.

___Item left was examined in Tooth Fairy Labs and found to be artificial: a forged, or fake, tooth. No compensation shall be given in the event of attempts to defraud the Tooth Fairy.

___The tooth procured, when checked with official Tooth Fairy records, was found to be a tooth for which payment was already remitted. No double payments will be issued.

___Evidence was uncovered indicating that you no longer believe in the Tooth Fairy, or professed to younger believers that there is "no Tooth Fairy." Such utterances make the child-Tooth Fairy contract null and void.

Please feel free to appeal this decision, and/or to resubmit the tooth following approved guidelines.

Kindest regards,

The Tooth Fairy